Tuesday, June 23 2020
MEN! Good Monday to you. I sincerely hope that you were able to find some time to enjoy your family this weekend. Or better yet be humbled enough to accept their love and adoration for you. NEVER underestimate the importance of your role in their lives!
In fact, the most impactful thing a Man will do is marry and raise a family. That bears repeating, the most impactful thing you will do on Earth is to marry and raise a family. Hey, no pressure there right!
Think about how much your wife and kids adore you and love you.
Do you realize their day rises and sets upon you and how you treat them and love them (especially daughters)? It's written on their hearts. They can't help it, it's part of how they were created.
You want kids that know love and how to work within society? You teach them, verbally and in actions.
You want them to know how marriage and relationships are supposed to be? Love your wife with all your heart and soul as if you were loving yourself, now you'll see some magic happen.
Let me clear up part of this. When I say LOVE, I'm not talking about ooey-gooey middle school love. I"m talking about work your ass off, provide like no other, take a bullet for you, LOVE. The only love a man understands for those in his care, the only love that comes with knowing that the impact and RIPPLES of the next generation can be greater than now.
Do you want to change the world? BE A DAD. A dad that's present, loving, caring, strong, disciplined, encouraging, positive, willing to stand up for what's right and wrong in objective truth...the dad that says no because where your daughter's friends are going isn't the best place for her. The dad that teaches his boy that purity is for men as well as women. That's a dad, that's a man. That's what you do, that's who you want to be.
YOUR MOST IMPACTFUL LIFE ROLE
One of my favorite stories about my father in law is the night he tracked my wife down when she was in high school. My wife, as wonderful as she is, was not always on the straight and narrow. In fact, neither was I. One night in high school she had told her parents she was doing a sleepover at one house when in reality she was at a party at another house. Just because her track record was suspect her dad was a little leery. Halfway through the night the phone rings and one of her friends asks to speak to her. Her dad answers and says, I thought she was staying at your house tonight...BUSTED! He quickly had the girl fess up and found out where the party was.
In a flash, he was out the door to that party! He banged on the door until it was opened grabbed his daughter and her friends, escorted them all home to safety, and let them go to bed. The next day he had a talk with her...
Do you see what he taught her? He taught her that she is worth fighting for! He taught her that no matter how insignificant she thought her actions were he loved her more. He stepped up and stepped out as a man and took care of his family.
Is there any doubt that he is absolutely 100% sold out for his family in love and with that comes stability that overcomes many things.
Would you have the courage to do this?
Do your wife and kids know their worth in your eyes?
Why haven't you stepped up for your family this way? Its never too late to start. Now would be the best time to do so.
Action item: Have a teenager or pre-teen? sit down with them and explain that you want to know them and you want them to know you. Start sharing your hopes and dreams for them and the things you dreamed of for yourself at that age. Trust me you'll have a great chat.
YOUR MOST IMPACTFUL LIFE ROLE
There are two things about this role of Dad and Man that are troublesome to me.
First, it is way too short of a time. I know, I know they are our kids forever but did you know that when your kid turns 18 you have spent 80% of the time with you will ever have during your lifetime with them. Unless you helicopter them and make them dependent on you, which we dont want to do...Carpe Diem with those kids...and include your wife!
Action items: Read to your kids at least one night a week (try for more), teach them a hobby or topic that interests you that you may have in common, take them on a 'date' or outing at least once a month, go for a walk with them after dinner (creating space creates time for conversation).
Secondly, it is highly troublesome how dads are portrayed in our society. Its an absolute joke and travesty that dads are made to look like buffoons and near-do-wells in most of popular culture. This started years and years ago, for my generation its Al Bundy, Homer Simpson and the like. Only Bill Cosby had any sense about him but he was always 'getting in trouble' from Claire his wife. Nowadays it's Blackish and Modern Family and on and on and on. It's even in the Berenstein Bear books!!! C'mon really!
You are not a buffoon nor a near-do-well. You are a hard-working, provider, who loves and cares for his wife and kids very deeply regardless of the situation. You will do anything to make it happen for them. DONT STOP!! They may never tell you but you'll know, you'll know.
YOUR MOST IMPACTFUL ROLE
Men, my heart is filled with love and joy for you. It's filled with gratitude for the intentional and deliberate relationships you are forging with your wives and children. Its never too late to start, its never too late to create new habits, and its never too late to have traditions that are meaningful and impactful.
When you come home from work tomorrow, put down the phone, make eye contact with each family member, hug them, tell them you love them, ask them how you can serve them and revel in that moment.
After all, as a man that's also what we want from our dads...we may not have gotten from our earthly fathers what we can do for our kids but we WILL get it from our Heavenly Father one day. And wouldn't it be amazing to make any change to our generational shortcomings now so when our time comes we hear “Well done my Son!" that we all so desperately crave...
- Tell your wife and kids they are good and they are loved and you are proud of who they are...
- Monthly one-on-one activities with each of them
- When they reach milestone birthdays have traditions that cement their growing place in life
- age 10 weekend trip away with you within driving distance, have them plan the place and activities...
- Rites of Passage that all family members want to participate in as they get to certain ages
- Tell them you want to KNOW them and you want them to KNOW you
- Create a journal of letters and affirmations for them to have when they go away to college, include stories of their childhood
- ADVENTURE: Show them some adventure annually, its your job to do so
I could go on and on and on.
Man, be the Dad your kid needs and the husband your wife deserves!
Don't Fear that Day!